When the Waiting Feels Like Its Own Illness
Waiting for a diagnosis is its own kind of suffering. The test has been done, or maybe it hasn’t yet, and you are sitting in a place where you don’t know what comes next. Every hour stretches. Your mind goes to dark places. The not-knowing presses on your chest like a weight you can’t lift.
If you are in that place right now, this tefillah is for you. Not a later-when-you-feel-better kind of tefillah. Right now, exactly as you are, with your hands shaking and your thoughts racing. Hashem does not need you to be calm before you come to Him. He is waiting for you to come as you are.
Shir HaMa’alot, Kapitel 130 of Tehillim, opens with the words mima’amakim, “from the depths.” These words, composed b’ruach hakodesh, reach into the place where a person is calling out to Hashem from a low, dark place. There is no lower feeling than sitting in a waiting room, or lying awake at night, not knowing what is happening inside your own body. This is your tefillah, and every word of it was written for someone standing exactly where you stand.
Before You Say This Tefillah
Before you begin Kapitel 130, take one breath. You do not need to compose yourself. You do not need the right words. Hashem already sees where you are. Say this short tefillah from Rabbi Meir Baal Haness Charities and let it carry you into the kapitel:
Master of the Universe, from the depths I call to You. I don’t know what I have, the doctors are still testing, and the uncertainty is slowly killing me. My soul waits for Hashem more than watchmen for the morning. Give me patience to wait, faith to trust, and answers that bring healing. God of Meir, answer me.
If giving tzedakah, add:
In the merit of the tzedakah I give in the merit of Rabbi Meir, who revealed hidden things, so may You reveal what is needed and heal me. Ribbono Shel Olam, I care for Your children. Please care for me.
Shir HaMa’alot: The Full Prayer
שִׁיר הַמַּעֲלוֹת מִמַּעֲמַקִּים קְרָאתִיךָ יְהֹוָה׃
אֲדֹנָי שִׁמְעָה בְקוֹלִי תִּהְיֶינָה אׇזְנֶיךָ קַשֻּׁבוֹת לְקוֹל תַּחֲנוּנָי׃
אִם־עֲוֺנוֹת תִּשְׁמׇר־יָהּ אֲדֹנָי מִי יַעֲמֹד׃
כִּי־עִמְּךָ הַסְּלִיחָה לְמַעַן תִּוָּרֵא׃
קִוִּיתִי יְהֹוָה קִוְּתָה נַפְשִׁי וְלִדְבָרוֹ הוֹחָלְתִּי׃
נַפְשִׁי לַאדֹנָי מִשֹּׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר שֹׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר׃
יַחֵל יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶל־יְהֹוָה כִּי־עִם־יְהֹוָה הַחֶסֶד וְהַרְבֵּה עִמּוֹ פְדוּת׃
וְהוּא יִפְדֶּה אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵל מִכֹּל עֲוֺנֹתָיו׃
Shir hama'alois mima'amakim k'roisicho Hashem.
Adoinoy shim'oh v'koili tihyeno oznecho kashuvois l'koil tachanunoy.
Im-avoinois tishmor-Yoh, Adoinoy mi ya'amoid.
Ki-im'cho has'licho l'ma'an tivorei.
Kivisi Hashem kiv'so nafshi v'lidvoroi hoicholti.
Nafshi l'Adoinoy mishoimrim laboiker shoimrim laboiker.
Yacheil Yisro'eil el-Hashem ki-im-Hashem hachesed v'harbei imoi f'dus.
V'hu yifdeh es-Yisro'eil mikoil avoinoisov.
Shir hama'alot mima'amakim kraticha Hashem.
Adonay shim'ah vekoli tihyeyna oznecha kashuvot lekol tachanunay.
Im-avonot tishmor-Yah, Adonay mi ya'amod.
Ki-imecha haselicha lema'an tivare.
Kiviti Hashem kiveta nafshi velidvaro hochalti.
Nafshi l'Adonay mishomrim laboker shomrim laboker.
Yachel Yisra'el el-Hashem ki-im-Hashem hachesed veharbe imo fedut.
Vehu yifdeh et-Yisra'el mikol avonotav.
A song of ascents. Out of the depths I call to You, Hashem.
My Sovereign, hear my voice; let Your ears be attentive to my plea for mercy.
If You keep account of sins, Yah, my Sovereign, who could survive?
But with You there is forgiveness, so that You may be held in awe.
I put my hope in Hashem, my whole being hopes, and for His word I wait.
My soul waits for my Sovereign more than watchmen for the morning, watchmen for the morning.
Yisrael, wait for Hashem, for with Hashem is steadfast love and great power to redeem.
And He will redeem Yisrael from all their iniquities.
Kapitel 130 is one of the fifteen Shir HaMa’alot, the “Songs of Ascent,” which the Levi’im sang on the steps of the Beis HaMikdash. But this one begins not on the heights. It begins in the depths. That is exactly why it belongs in the hands of someone waiting for medical answers. You are not davening from a place of strength right now. You are davening from the lowest place. And Dovid teaches us that Hashem hears that cry most of all.
What These Words Mean for You
Mima’amakim k’roisicho “Out of the depths I call to You”
K’roisicho. I called to You. A raw, desperate cry.
And the word ma’amakim is plural. Not one depth but many. Sifrei kabbalah teach that ma’amakim in the plural hints at depths within depths, and that the deepest cry reaches the highest place. When you are sitting with test results that haven’t come back, when the doctor hasn’t called and the hours keep stretching, you are in those depths. Dovid is telling you: cry out from there. That is exactly where Hashem is listening.
Nafshi l’Adoinoy mishoimrim laboiker “My soul waits for my Sovereign more than watchmen for the morning”
A watchman standing guard in the dark does not doubt that the morning will come. He waits with certainty.
The night is long, but the sun has never once failed to rise. This is the kind of waiting Dovid is describing. Not passive, not helpless. Active trust. You are sitting in a dark place, waiting for answers. This passuk says: wait the way a watchman waits. With the quiet knowledge that morning is coming, even when you cannot see it yet.
Ki-im’cho has’licho “With You there is forgiveness”
S’licho. Forgiveness. The deepest kind.
In the middle of a kapitel about crying from the depths, Dovid suddenly speaks about Hashem’s mercy. Why here? Because when a person is sick, or afraid they might be, the mind turns inward. “Did I do something to deserve this?” Dovid answers that question before you even ask it. With Hashem there is forgiveness. Whatever weighs on you, whatever you carry, He is not counting it against you. He wants to heal you.
Ki-im-Hashem hachesed v’harbei imoi f’dus “With Hashem is steadfast love and great power to redeem”
The kapitel closes with these words, and they are meant to hold you. Chesed is not just kindness. It is the love that does not stop, the love that stays even when things are hard.
And f’dus, redemption, means that Hashem does not leave you in the waiting forever. He is a Go’el. He brings people out of dark places. Whatever the diagnosis turns out to be, Hashem’s chesed and His power to redeem are both with you right now.
How to Say This Prayer
You can say Kapitel 130 anywhere. In a hospital waiting room, in bed at three in the morning when sleep will not come, sitting in your car in the parking lot after the appointment. There is no wrong place and no wrong time. This is a prayer while waiting for diagnosis, and it was written for someone who cannot wait for the “right” conditions to daven. A related tefillah that speaks to this same yearning is the prayer for sick mom.
If you can stand, stand. If you cannot, sit. If the Hebrew feels too hard right now, use the transliteration or the English. Hashem is not measuring your pronunciation. He is listening to your heart.
Before you begin, set your kavanah. You might say quietly: “Hashem, I am sitting in this place of not knowing. The doctors are running tests and I do not know what is happening inside my body. I am saying this tefillah because I need You right now. Please give me the strength to wait, fill my heart with trust in You, and bless me with answers that bring complete healing. My life is in Your hands.”
Tefillah and tzedakah are deeply connected. When you say this kapitel and also give tzedakah in the zechus of Rabbi Meir Baal Haness, you are bringing both together. Your prayer and your chesed, rising as one. After the kapitel, you may say: Elokah d’Meir aneni! Those walking this path often find strength in the prayer for good test results as well.
Give Tzedakah in the Zechus of Rabbi Meir Baal Haness
The Gemara in Avodah Zarah (18a-18b) tells how Bruria asked Rabbi Meir to rescue her sister, who was condemned by the Romans to a house of shame. There seemed to be no way out. Rabbi Meir approached the guard, teaching him to say “Eloka d’Meir aneni!” — “God of Meir, answer me!” — if he was ever in danger. When the guard asked for proof, Rabbi Meir said the words and nearby dogs that had been ready to attack turned away. The guard was convinced and released her, ultimately using these words for a miraculous salvation when he was caught.
When you are waiting for a diagnosis, you are in your own kind of trapped place. Not knowing. Afraid of what the answer might be. Giving tzedakah in the zechus of Rabbi Meir is not davening to Rabbi Meir. It is asking Hashem to hear your tefillah in the combined merit of this great tzaddik and your own act of chesed.
Rabbi Meir Baal Haness Charities was founded in 1799. The talmidei chachamim daven at Rabbi Meir’s kever in Tiberias on behlaf of those who reach out. The charity supports talmidei chachamim and families in need in Eretz Yisrael. When you give, your tzedakah joins your tefillah. You are caring for Hashem’s children, and asking Him to care for you.
Give Tzedakah in the Zechus of Rabbi Meir Baal Haness
Shir HaMa'alot, Kapitel 130 of Tehillim, is a prayer while waiting for a diagnosis that begins with the words "Out of the depths I call to You." It was composed by Dovid HaMelech for exactly this kind of moment, when you are in a low, uncertain place and need to cry out to Hashem. Whether you are saying a prayer while waiting for medical diagnosis or a prayer while waiting for test results, this kapitel alongside the tefillah from Rabbi Meir Baal Haness Charities brings your personal plea together with the words of Tehillim.
Yes. This kapitel can be said anywhere, at any time. You do not need a siddur, a quiet room, or perfect concentration. If you have a phone with the text, or even if you say it by heart, Hashem hears your tefillah wherever you are. A hospital waiting room is as holy a place for tefillah as any other when your heart is turned toward Hashem. Those who daven this tefillah often find the jewish prayer for doctors meaningful as well.
Rabbi Meir was one of the greatest Tannaim. The Gemara ( Avodah Zarah 18a-18b ) tells how his cry of "Elokah d'Meir aneni!" rescued a person from a situation where there seemed to be no way out. Giving tzedakah in his zechus is asking Hashem, in the combined merit of this tzaddik and your own act of chesed, to answer your prayer. It is not davening to Rabbi Meir. It is davening to Hashem in his merit.
Yes. Kapitel 130 is itself a prayer for patience while waiting for diagnosis. Passuk 5-6, which compares the waiting soul to a watchman waiting for morning, gives words to the patience needed during medical uncertainty. Some people say it before the test, asking Hashem for good results. Others say it during the wait, when the uncertainty is hardest. You can say it as many times as you need to. There is no wrong moment to turn to Hashem.
God of Meir, answer me." Rabbi Meir said these words to the guard when there seemed to be no way out, and Hashem answered. Generations of Yidden have said these words at moments of fear and uncertainty, trusting that the same Hashem who answered Rabbi Meir will answer them.
A Brachah for Answers and Healing
You came here in the middle of waiting, and that itself is a tefillah. The fact that you are turning to Hashem while the fear is still fresh tells Him everything about where your heart is.
May Hashem hear your cry from the depths and bring you answers quickly. May the results bring good news, and may any healing that is needed come swiftly and completely. May He give you the patience of the watchman who waits for morning, the steady trust that the darkness will not last. And may you soon look back on this waiting and say: He heard me. He was with me the whole time.
You can submit a prayer request to the scholars of Tiberias at no cost. They will daven for your healing by name through Rabbi Meir Baal Haness Charities. And if you would like to give tzedakah in Rabbi Meir’s zechus as well, your kindness will rise together with your prayer.
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