Home » Iluy Neshama Pillar » Yahrzeit: The Jewish Death Anniversary Day Customs, Meaning
Yahrzeit: The
Jewish Death
Anniversary
The anniversary of a loved one’s death is called a yahrzeit, observed on the Jewish death anniversary date. Find out more about the meaning of the traditions observed on this day.
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Choose from one of our dedication packages as an illluy neshama for a loved one.
By doing so, you gift them the merit of bringing blessing to this world by helping those in need.
First Month
Memorial Package
Learning Mishnayos,
Kaddish and Lighting a Candle
Every Day of First Month
$1,000
First Year
Memorial Package
Learning Mishnayos,
Kaddish and Lighting a Candle
Every Day of First Year
$3,600
Annual
Yahrtzeit Package
Learning Mishnayos, Kaddish and Lighting a Candle Every Year on Yahrtzeit
$1,800
First Year Memorial Package & Annual Yahrtzeit Package
Learning Mishnayos, Kaddish and Lighting a Candle Every Day of First Year & Every Year on Yahrtzei
$5,400
Memorial Donation
Every year, the date of a loved one’s passing is called the yahrzeit (Jewish death anniversary). This day is the memorial anniversary of the day of death, and therefore, this day carries tremendous significance for your departed loved one’s soul.
In the Next World, every soul is assigned its place based on the merits it brings along with it from this world. The soul is judged on the day it dies to assess its merit, and then continues to be considered in judgment throughout the shiva (week of mourning) and shloshim (30 days of mourning) as well as during the year of mourning, in progressive levels.
Once the year of mourning is up, this judgment ceases, and whatever position the soul has been given is maintained, without any changes to the status quo.
But there is an exception to this rule, and that is the day of the yahrzeit. On the day of the Jewish death anniversary, the soul’s merits are once again judged and assessed anew. The soul may have accrued additional merits throughout the past year in two ways: either through the good deeds that people in this world do in the soul’s honor, or through the good deeds performed as a result of the soul’s past influence. If the soul has new merits on the day of the yahrzeit, it may be allowed to rise higher in Heaven, (this is called iluy neshama). This is the deeper explanation of the significance of the yahrzeit, and why we look to bring merits for the deceased specifically on this day.
As the soul rises higher and closer to G-d, which is its ultimate pleasure, the unique radiance of its soul shines forth in the Next World and the influence of that spiritual radiance can be felt in this world. While the soul journeys upwards, it also notices and appreciates all that is taking place in this lower world, as well as any special actions done on its behalf.
Most of the customs of the yahrzeit are related to the judgment of the soul’s merits and its journey on this day.
Commemorating the Yahrzeit of a Departed Loved One
Observing the yahrzeit is usually done by close family members of the departed, especially children. Only immediate family members are part of the category of mourners, who may have an obligation to fulfill some of the yahrzeit customs, but you can fulfill yahrzeit customs for anyone with whom you felt a close connection to.
On the day of the yahrzeit, you want to focus on bringing a merit for the souls of your departed loved ones. The best way to do this is to carry on your loved one’s legacy of good deeds. If your relative loved prayer and prayed religiously, you might want to say extra prayers, with more concentration, on this day. If your loved one was involved in helping others, you might want to go out of your way to help others on this day.
Continuing the chain of good deeds that your loved one performed makes a big difference to the judgment on the day of the yahrzeit. One of the most important ways that a soul can receive merit is through its lasting influence in this world. If the soul’s actions while it was alive continue to inspire good deeds in this world, they receive credit for those deeds as if they would have done it themselves.
Commemorate a Loved One with RMBH Memorial Services
- Sign up for Kaddish Prayer Services
- Get Mishnayos Learning for a Shloshim or Yahrzeit
- Schedule a visit to a grave in Israel on your behalf
- Request other memorial services (prayer, Tehillim recital, and more)
Request RMBH Memorial Services
Commemorate a Loved One with RMBH Memorial Services
- Sign up for Kaddish Prayer Services
- Get Mishnayos Learning for a Shloshim or Yahrzeit
- Schedule a visit to a grave in Israel on your behalf
- Request other memorial services (prayer, Tehillim recital, and more)
Request RMBH Memorial Services
What Should You Do on Yahrzeit?
When a parent or other loved one’s yahrzeit rolls around, there are also many Jewish customs to follow. Most of these customs focus on providing a specific merit for the souls of your departed loved ones (l’iluy neshama). Through your kindness in bringing that merit, you yourself are elevated as well, making a yahrzeit a time of personal growth.
Here are some of the traditional Jewish customs for the memorial anniversary on the yahrzeit:
Leading the Prayers
For male adults, if you are capable of leading the congregation in prayer on the day of the yahrzeit, the custom is to do so for the Jewish death anniversary of parents as well as any relatives who don’t have another relative to do so for them. It’s also customary to lead the Mussaf prayer on the Shabbat immediately prior to the yahrzeit.
Another custom for the Shabbat before the yahrzeit is to chant the haftarah in front of the congregation, if one is able to do so. Otherwise, one can be called up for an aliyah (to bless the Torah) during the Torah reading. Some will specifically get the aliyah of the haftarah, called Maftir, while some rabbis say that any aliyah has merit and that it isn’t necessary to get Maftir
Saying Kaddish
One well-known custom is that of saying the mourner’s Kaddish on a yahrzeit. If you are leading the prayers, you will say Kaddish as part of the prayers, as well as the mourner’s Kaddish at the end. If you aren’t leading the prayers, you can still say the mourner’s Kaddish at the end.
Kaddish is a very powerful way of helping your departed loved one be allowed to rise higher in Heaven. As you say the words of Kaddish, look at the English translation. You’ll see that the words of Kaddish talk about the glory of Hashem’s name and are full of His praise. When you say these words in honor of your departed loved one, you serve as their mouthpiece to make this declaration. Bringing glory to Hashem’s name is the ultimate merit.
What if you are unable to say Kaddish for the deceased yourself? You can request that someone else say Kaddish for your loved one instead of you as a memorial anniversary merit. This Kaddish service is provided by RMBH Charities as well.
Learning Torah
Studying Torah is a wonderful way to provide an iluy neshama for your loved one. By learning Torah in your loved one’s honor, you bring Hashem’s light into this world, and it is as if your loved one was involved in bringing down this light as well.
Specifically, the custom is to learn Mishnah (the Oral Tradition) for a yahrzeit. hinting to the fact that learning mishnayos for the deceased has a connection to providing an iluy neshama.
It’s a great thing if you can have people complete the mishnayos for your loved one in time for the Jewish death anniversary. Completing the Mishnayos includes sixty tractates and over 200 chapters. You can split up the chapters between relatives and friends so that you can complete the mishnayos for the yahrzeit.
You can also pay for mishnayos for yahrzeit to be learned by Torah scholars who provide a service of learning mishnayos for yahrzeit. RMBH Charities provides a mishnayos for mourners and yahrzeit service as well.
Lighting a Candle
Lighting a memorial anniversary candle for the deceased is a custom that has been handed down for generations. The Jewish date always begins with the night, which is why Friday night is counted as Shabbat already. Therefore, the ideal time to light the candle is upon sundown of the Jewish death anniversary date. It should be allowed to burn for approximately 24 hours until the following sundown. This is the entire time span of the yahrzeit.
There are special candles sold in Judaica stores (also available online) which burn for 24 hours. These glass tumblers with wax and wick inside are called yahrzeit candles, and they can be used anytime you want to light a candle to honor your loved one.
Why light a candle? The Jewish soul is compared to a candle, because of the light that a Jewish soul radiates. When the soul moves on from this world, we are left with a dark void. To symbolize our efforts to fill that void with light, we light a candle.
Another idea behind lighting a candle is because of the extra radiance of the soul on the day of the yahrzeit. As the soul journeys upwards with the merits it has received over the past year, that radiance reaches our world as well.
We are naturally drawn to that which is similar to us, so when a soul sees a candle burning, giving radiance to the world, it gains a spiritual satisfaction and enjoyment.
Bringing Refreshments
Bringing refreshments, called “a l’chaim,” is a common practice in shuls (synagogues), but can also be done wherever Jews congregate. After the daily prayers, the one observing a yahrzeit sets out platters of cake, along with whiskey, vodka, or whichever kind of alcoholic drink is preferred. Everyone present is encouraged to make a blessing before tasting the cake, and drink a toast, saying “L’chaim!” which means, To life! After saying l’chaim, one says, “May the neshama have an aliyah.”
When you serve refreshments in the merit of the departed, all the blessings and closeness between Jews that comes from this get-together are credited to your loved one Visiting the Gravesite
It’s customary to visit the kever (gravesite) of a departed loved one on the day of the yahrzeit, because of the soul’s extra radiance that is felt on this day. Prayers may be recited, especially Psalms. When praying at the graveside, though, it’s important to remember that all prayers must be directed to Hashem, not to the deceased relative.
During their visit to the gravesite, mourners will pick up a stone from the ground and place it on the tombstone. Why do Jews place stones, as opposed to others who bring flowers? While flowers wilt and die quickly, stones last forever, a symbol of the eternal nature of the Jewish soul.
Donating Charity
By giving charity to the poor or other needy individuals in memory of the departed, you become the messenger for increasing Hashem’s honor in this world through your kindness, and glorifying Hashem’s Name is the ultimate merit.
Donating to charity in the merit of a loved one makes it as if the loved one would have donated the charity themselves. This kind deed is counted in their merit, and it serves as a force to allow them to rise higher in the Next World, as an iluy neshama.
This is especially meaningful if it is the kind of act that your loved one would have done if they were alive to do it. By performing the act of kindness in their honor, you are carrying their legacy of good deeds further and allowing them to have a part in doing a good deed that they can no longer perform.
RMBH Charities: Bringing Light
RMBH Charities seeks to bring Hashem’s light into this world through lighting up the lives of poor children and supporting those who learn Torah, which is the greatest spiritual radiance. Through our many programs to support Israel’s needy, we create an everlasting ripple of goodness, changing the world for the better.
By donating to RMBH Charities on a loved one’s yahrzeit, you as well as your loved one become our partners in our meaningful mission and receive merit for all the good deeds performed through your donation.
For over two centuries, RMBH Charities has been a beacon of hope, steadfastly supporting Israel’s needy.
Our reach extends from aiding sick patients in hospitals to assisting impoverished new mothers, struggling brides, and
children with special needs. Rebbe Meir Baal Haness Charities stands as a pillar of benevolence, tirelessly working to uplift
the most vulnerable in society. By choosing to support RMBH in memory of your loved one, you become part of a movement
that replaces despair with hope and sadness with joy.