To write a great shidduch resume, you need to know which sections to include and what the purpose of your resume is.
What Do You Need a Shidduch Resume For?
When you start looking for your shidduch, the first step you’ll need to take in order to move forward is to write a shidduch resume. Before actually starting to write the resume, though, you want to know what the basic purpose of the resume is.
There are two main ways that a resume is used in shidduchim:
1. The shidduch resume is presented to shadchanim
Either before or during a meeting with a shadchan, you will be asked to provide a resume. The reason shadchanim ask for resumes is to have a clear record of every single that’s on their shadchan list. Keeping your resume on file with a shadchan ensures you remain at the forefront of their thoughts. Also, when they have a potential idea of a match for you, they can easily check up all your information.
2. The shidduch resume is given to a potential dating candidate or their family
Depending on the circles you are shidduch dating in, the shadchan will pass on your resume either to the potential spouse or to his/her parents. This gives the shadchan an easy way to give over a lot of technical information about you, such as basic family info and references. Many shadchanim will talk to the potential match about the single, together with the accompanying resume.
Both for the shadchanim and for the potential matches, the resume is a reference point that allows them to easily understand your background and to get to know basic facts about you. It will, of course, never replace getting to know you as a person, which only happens once you go out on a shidduch date.
What to Include in Your Shidduch Resume
Different circles in the Orthodox world will include different sections on their resume, based on their values in seeking a match. In more yeshivish circles, a resume usually includes more information about a single’s family background. Less traditional circles will include descriptions of the single and a profile of the person they are looking to marry.
Many of the sections included in a shidduch resume template will be the same throughout society. These are the basic information sections that every shadchan and potential shidduch will want to know.
Here, we’ll go through the typical sections included and whether they are recommended or not.
Shidduch Resume Header
Like a job resume, a shidduch resume header has the name of the single, their current location, and their contact information such as phone number and email.
This section can vary in two ways based on your circles:
- More traditional circles might include a single’s full Hebrew name, since they want to avoid marrying a spouse whose parent has the same name.
- The contact info included may be that of a parent instead of the single, if the parent is the one that will be doing the reference-checking. You can also put the phone number of a designated shidduch contact if you aren’t comfortable giving out your own phone number.
Demographic Information
Almost all shidduch resumes will include basic demographics about the individual. This includes date of birth, height, educational background, and current occupation. If the city you are currently living in is different from that you grew up in, you may want to include the name of the city you grew up in.
For those whose hashkafa (Jewish outlook orientation) will not be obvious to shadchanim and potential dates from the other information listed, you may want to include a short definition of their hashkafa as well. Two to three words, such as Modern Orthodox Machmir, or Chabad, is usually enough.
In terms of educational background, most shidduch resumes will include elementary school and high school as well as post-high school education. Some singles, often younger ones, will also include the names of camps they’ve attended.
Family Information
Parents’ names are included here, often with their occupations as well. Sometimes, their full names and the mother’s maiden name are also listed.
Siblings’ names, marital status, and occupations or current education institutions will be written here as well.
Optional information to include in this section is grandparents’ names, and the names of mechutanim (the families of siblings’ spouses). This information is usually included in shidduch resumes for people who are looking for a shidduch in more traditional circles.
References
This is one of the most important parts of your shidduch resume. Deciding whom to include as a reference for people to call makes a very big difference, as whatever they say will shape the caller’s perspective about you as a potential shidduch.
You should list 3-5 references, preferably people who know you in different settings. Most importantly, make sure that each person listed as a reference knows you well and will be able to convey why you would make a great marriage partner.
References are included no matter what circles you are writing your shidduch resume for. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s worth including mobile numbers instead of home numbers so that your references are easy to reach. A potential date looking for information can get turned off if they do not manage to reach your references easily.
More Sections on a Shidduch Resume
Aside from the above listed sections that are standard for inclusion in a shidduch resume, there are more aspects to the resume that you might want to include. Here are the additional sections that a fuller resume will have. Recent Picture
In many circles, sending along a picture of the prospective date with the shidduch resume is de rigeur. If it is that way among the type of person you are looking to marry, it may be wise to include it. It’s worth noting that there are two schools of thought on the wisdom of including pictures with a resume. Consult with shidduch mentors you trust to come out with a decision that feels right to you.
Shidduch Bio
- Personal Description: This is a short paragraph describing you and your personality. When writing this section, keep in mind that the description needs to be a balance. It should be unique enough to reflect who you really are, but not too unique so as to turn people off. For this reason, it’s smart to keep this section concise, only including points that are highly relevant.
- Looking to Marry: The type of person you are looking to marry is not necessarily the same as who you are yourself. Even more, giving a general classification such as a learning/working boy or a girl with higher education lets people know right away what’s important to you.This description is highly important to the resume, as you want it to properly reflect your values. Include the Torah values that you hope to have in the future home you build, through specifying that you seek a marriage partner with a Torah mentor or someone who has a set learning schedule.
A pitfall to avoid is outlining exact criteria for the person you wish to marry. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking that you know exactly what you need. But getting very specific on personality traits, etc. can backfire, as it nixes anyone who is even slightly out of your prescribed box. This stands in the way of you getting to see how the chemistry between you and a potential date would play itself out organically. Often, people are taken by surprise at how different the person they actually marry is from the person they thought they need.
Extracurricular Sections:
This is a highly optional section to include for people of any background and current orientation. It includes listing your hobbies and/or what kind of chessed or volunteer activities you are involved in.
Shidduch Resume Template
For your convenience, here are two shidduch resume templates for your use. The first is designed for someone from a yeshivish or ultra-Orthodox background, while the second can be used by most Modern Orthodox and baal teshuva daters. Both can be tweaked for personal use.
download shidduch resume templates When is it Time to Update My Shidduch Resume?
When should you update your shidduch resume? As soon as some of the information is no longer accurate, it’s time to update it. Every year or so is a fair recommendation to take a look at your resume and update it if necessary. What if I Can’t Get a Date with my Shidduch Resume?
If you haven’t been getting as many dates as you’d like, with suggestions often rejecting the opportunity for a first date, you might start to wonder if your resume reflects you accurately. The best way to know this is to have your resume reviewed by an expert in the shidduch dating world. This might be a shadchan you know personally, a dating coach you consult, or a wise shidduchim mentor who knows what makes sense for you.
Once your resume is approved, though, and you, too, feel that it’s accurate, there’s no reason to obsess over it any longer. The number of first dates you get is not important to the larger goal of getting married. You may simply need to stay available for your true bashert, who is just around the corner.
But there is something else you can do if getting less shidduch dates than you like is giving you anxiety. That is to update your spiritual dating profile, by doing actions that bring you merit. These merits can be more effective than all other efforts at snagging you a first date.
Such actions include working on your bitachon (reliance on G-d), saying a tefillah for zivug (prayer to find your match), and doing a segulah (propitious action) for marriage. Selflessly donating tzedakah for the poor and needy is another way to gain spiritual merits that can help you be the one that a potential shidduch decides to date first.
By putting in the effort to create a clear shidduch resume, as well as working to gain spiritual merits, you’ll be putting your best foot forward as you enter shidduchim.
Shidduchim Overview Page
How to Prepare for
Shidduch Dating
How to Navigate the Shidduchim
Process with Confidence
Ways to Deal with the
Shidduch Crisis
Guide to Segulos for A Shidduch
