Grieving for a loved one is a deeply painful process. Judaism provides a way to keep your connection with the deceased alive through doing actions that bring a merit for the souls of your departed loved ones.
What is an Iluy Neshama?
The way to do this is through actions that bring merit for the souls of your departed loved ones, called an iluy neshama (also spelled ilui neshama).
The literal definition of iluy neshama is an ‘elevation for the soul.’
Other Articles About Iluy Neshama:
The way to do this is through actions that bring merit for the souls of your departed loved ones, called an iluy neshama (also spelled ilui neshama).
The literal definition of iluy neshama is an ‘elevation for the soul.’ Judaism teaches that although a dead person’s body is buried in the ground, the person’s neshama (soul) lives on forever. The eternal neshama is the essence of the person you knew, all the traits and qualities that you appreciate. It’s their personality, which lives on in another realm. Iluy neshama means providing merit for their soul, so that they become worthy of dwelling in an even higher realm in the Next World.
You can provide a loved one with these merits through your actions. When you do an action l’iluy neshama (as an iluy neshama) for a loved one, you are giving them a gift – allowing them to reach the pleasure of attaining higher levels with the merit of your actions. When your loved one’s soul rises higher in the Next World, that brings it closer to its Source, and that closeness is its ultimate pleasure. It’s in your power to affect what happens in the Next World when you bring a merit for the souls of your departed loved ones.
Judaism teaches that although a dead person’s body is buried in the ground, the person’s neshama (soul) lives on forever. The eternal neshama is the essence of the person you knew, all the traits and qualities that you appreciate. It’s their personality, which lives on in another realm. Iluy neshama means providing merit for their soul, so that they become worthy of dwelling in an even higher realm in the Next World.
You can provide a loved one with these merits through your actions. When you do an action l’iluy neshama (as an iluy neshama) for a loved one, you are giving them a gift – allowing them to reach the pleasure of attaining higher levels with the merit of your actions. When your loved one’s soul rises higher in the Next World, that brings it closer to its Source, and that closeness is its ultimate pleasure. It’s in your power to affect what happens in the Next World when you bring a merit for the souls of your departed loved ones.
Gift Eternal Merit for the Departed
Choose from one of our dedication packages as an illluy neshama for a loved one.
By doing so, you gift them the merit of bringing blessing to this world by helping those in need.
First Month
Memorial Package
Learning Mishnayos,
Kaddish and Lighting a Candle
Every Day of First Month
$1,000
First Year
Memorial Package
Learning Mishnayos,
Kaddish and Lighting a Candle
Every Day of First Year
$3,600
Annual
Yahrtzeit Package
Learning Mishnayos, Kaddish and Lighting a Candle Every Year on Yahrtzeit
$1,800
First Year Memorial Package & Annual Yahrtzeit Package
Learning Mishnayos, Kaddish and Lighting a Candle Every Day of First Year & Every Year on Yahrtzei
$5,400
Memorial Donation
The Significance of Iluy Neshama
Undertaking actions as an iluy neshama for the person you have lost benefits them in a very powerful way. Every good deed you do to bring merit to the souls of your departed loved ones is cherished and appreciated. You can picture your loved one looking at you gratefully as you present them with the precious gift of additional merit. Don’t forget, they can no longer perform any mitzvos on their own, and they are completely dependent on the merits that you provide them with in order to rise higher in the Next World.
But it isn’t only your departed relatives who can benefit from doing actions l’iluy neshama.
Having lost a family member or someone who was close to you, you may be deeply missing the person who is now no longer part of your life. But through the actions you do l’iluy neshamah, you can keep up the connection in a meaningful way. You can translate the love and longing you have for your loved one into practical action that benefits both of you. By channeling your feelings into productive means of feeling close to your family member, you don’t need to wallow in your grief. Rather, this process of grieving can become a precious means of growth and giving.
The actions you do for the iluy neshama of your departed loved ones are called ‘chessed shel emes,’ a true kindness, referring to a favor you do for someone that they will never be able to repay. When you send merits to the souls of a departed loved one in the Next World, they can no longer return the kindness you are doing for them. It is a pure, altruistic kindness.
Any good deed that you do can serve as a merit for the souls of your departed loved ones, as long as you specifically designate it as such. Before doing any mitzvah, you can say, “May this be a merit for ___” and fill in your loved one’s full Hebrew name. Then say, “ben/bas (son of/daughter of _______” and fill in their father’s full Hebrew name. Different Kinds of Iluy Neshama: Torah Study, Prayer, and More
But Jewish tradition tells us about specific types of merits that are appropriate to dedicate to a departed loved one. Here is a short list of the traditional practices of iluy neshama:
Torah / Mishnah Study
Learning Torah for the deceased is a powerful merit. Any type of Torah study, in any amount, is a tremendous source of merit. But there are specific areas of study that are recommended for mourners to study as an especially treasured merit for the soul. Studying mishnayos for mourners is a practice that has been traditionally observed by family members. Mishnah is the study of choice because the Hebrew letters that make up the word ‘mishnah’ (משׁנה) are the same as those that make up the word ‘neshama’ (נשׁמה), showing the powerful link between Mishnayos and iluy neshama.
When possible, the entire order of Mishnah is split up into sections, with each male mourner and visitors to the shiva house taking upon themselves to complete a section in the merit of the deceased.
Sometimes, this kind of arrangement is not practical, in which case a mourner can pay to have Mishnayos for mourners learned by others on behalf of their loved one. Other areas of study that are appropriate for mourners include completing a tractate of Gemara (Talmud) in order to make a siyum, or even splitting up sections to finish the entire Shas, which means all of the Talmud. This is a significant goal that a family may set to complete by the yahrzeit, which marks the completion of a year of mourning.
Prayers – Kaddish for the Deceased
Saying Kaddish as a mourner serves as a merit for your departed loved one and grants them an iluy neshama. Other mourner’s prayers include Kel Maleh Rachamim, recited at a funeral, and the special Kaddish for deceased which is recited at the graveside. Reciting Tehillim, or psalms, in a loved one’s honor, is also a very appropriate prayer.
Charity Donations
Giving charity in the home of the deceased is common practice during shiva (the week of mourning.) Each donation that is made brings merit to the departed. Any time that a donation is made in honor of your loved one, it brings them great merit.
L’chaim or Kiddush
It is common practice to bring liquor and alcoholic beverages as well as mezonos (pastries) to shul (synagogue) after the daily prayers and drink a toast with other Jews in honor of a departed loved one. The blessings that are made during this l’chaim (toast to life) serve as a merit for the deceased.
After the Shabbat prayers, refreshments are often served in shul, and this is called a kiddush. Often, people will sponsor the kiddush repast in honor of a loved one. Here, too, all the blessings recited during the kiddush serve as a merit for the deceased.
Good Deeds
Accepting upon yourself to do good deeds which you haven’t done in the past, whether it’s new mitzvos or worthy practices, is another way to bring merit to the deceased.
Especially meaningful is when one chooses a middah (trait) that the deceased personified. Immediately after a person passes on, his good traits and qualities linger behind him in this world, like the scent of perfume. Therefore, making improvements in these areas is easier and more attainable during this time. It’s as if you are grabbing onto the deceased’s accomplishments and harnessing their power to fuel your own abilities.
Iluy Neshama in the Timeline of Jewish Mourning
There’s a timeline of Jewish mourning, with progressive stages that the mourner moves through. At each of these stages of the Jewish mourning period, different actions are performed l’iluy neshama of the departed. The stages in the timeline of Jewish mourning are as follows: shiva (week of mourning,) shloshim (30-day mourning period,) aveilus (the year of mourning,) and the yahrzeit (anniversary of death.)
Here is an overview of the different actions that are performed l’iluy neshama at each of these stages in the timeline of Jewish mourning.
Mourner’s Kaddish: Finding Comfort After Death
Saying Kaddish as a mourner serves as a merit for your departed loved one, creating a meaningful connection.
Despite personal grief, the mourner’s recitation of Kaddish demonstrates a profound spiritual strength and connection to God, honoring the deceased by showcasing the enduring legacy they’ve left behind, while also serving as a poignant reminder about the importance of good deeds.
The Significance of Mishnayos
Mishnayos for mourners is the study of choice because there is a powerful link between Mishnayos and iluy neshama.
Thel link between the eternal neshamah and the eternal nature of the Mishnah is one of the deeper meanings behind learning Mishnayos for the deceased. Find out the meaning of mishnayos for mourners specifically and how to complete the mishnayos as merit for a loved one’s soul.
Honoring a Deceased Loved One through Shiva and Shloshim
During the mourning periods of shiva (seven days) and shloshim (thirty days), various customs are observed as an elevation for the soul of the departed.
Common customs during shiva:
- Charity boxes are placed in the shiva house for visitors to donate in memory of the deceased.
- Inspirational stories about the deceased’s good deeds and qualities are shared.
- Mourners recite kaddish daily.
- A candle is kept lit throughout the week.
Practices extending through shloshim
- Family members and friends divide the learning of Mishnayos, aiming to complete the entire order by the end of shloshim
- A chart is often provided for visitors to sign up for chapters of Mishnayos to learn.
- On the shloshim day, a gathering is held, often serving as a siyum to mark the completion of Mishnayos learning.
- Kaddish is recited at the siyum, and the meal’s blessings contribute to the iluy neshama.
Jewish Mourning Practices in the Year of Mourning
Like other time periods in the timeline of Jewish mourning, the first year of mourning for parents is full of traditions and customs.
- Mourners recite the mourner’s Kaddish after prayers every day for eleven months after their family member’s passing. If you are a mourner and cannot recite Kaddish yourself, it is proper to pay someone else to recite the Kaddish, since Kaddish serves as a potent merit for the souls of your departed loved ones.
- During the year of mourning, additional Torah study is a powerful merit for the deceased. Some families use this period to undertake the study of Gemara (Talmud,) and complete the entire Talmud within the year of mourning, which is a far greater undertaking than the Mishnah. Others continue to learn Mishnayos, learn a specific volume of Gemara, or dedicate time to listen to Torah lectures.
- Some have the custom to keep a candle burning in the house of the deceased throughout the year as an iluy neshama
Yahrzeit: The Jewish Death Anniversary
Marking the anniversary of a death is called the yahrzeit.
Here are some common customs observed during this time:
- Sons of the deceased will try to lead the prayers for the congregation on the day of their loved one’s yahrzeit. If this is not possible, they will at least recite the mourner’s kaddish, or pay for another to recite it.
- Mourners light a candle on the yahrzeit in honor of the deceased.
- Many make donations to charity on this day as an iluy neshama for their loved one.
- It is a tradition to once again finish the order of Mishnayos for the first yahrzeit, and if possible, for every yahrzeit. If learning it is not feasible, one can pay for mishnayos for yahrzeit to be learned by others.
There are also several customs that pertain specifically to the Shabbat prior to the yahrzeit, which serve as a merit for the deceased.
Yizkor: To Commemorate Departed Loved Ones
Yizkor helps elevate a soul’s resting place in Heaven through their relative’s commitment to charity and good deeds that will benefit the world on their behalf.
Discover the profound meaning behind Yizkor, the Jewish memorial prayer recited four times a year for departed loved ones. Learn about its origins, the customs surrounding it, and how it differs from other commemorative practices like Kaddish. Explore the deep connection between Yizkor and charitable giving, and how this prayer offers comfort to the living while elevating the souls of the deceased.
After reciting these prayers on behalf of a loved one, many feel a deep connection to their departed family member, to whom they have just given a gift: the powerful merit of Yizkor.
RMBH Charities as a Merit for the Souls of Your Departed Loved Ones
Making a donation in the memory of a loved one adds merit to your loved one while bringing blessing to this world by bringing joy and happiness with an act of charity. It’s especially meaningful when you know that your donation will support a very worthy cause, to give your loved one additional merit.
RMBH Charities supports Torah scholars who spend their days immersed in Torah learning, people who are poverty-stricken and yet learn Torah despite their difficult circumstances. Donating to RMBH Charities means that you are helping to support these Torah learners as well, which Judaism considers a very high form of charity. When you make a donation to RMBH Charities as an iluy neshama for a family member, you give them the gift of meriting to support these special Torah scholars.
There are various memorial packages available, tailored to your specific interests and needs. RMBH Charities takes a personal interest in every dedication, and we welcome the opportunity to learn more about the special qualities of your deceased loved one, so we can help create the most meaningful remembrance.
Spanning over two hundred years, the journey of Rebbe Meir Baal Haness Charities is one of unwavering commitment to support Israel. From providing essential care to hospital patients to supporting underprivileged new mothers, needy brides, and special needs children, RMBH embodies the true spirit of giving. By donating to RMBH in memory of a loved one, you contribute to a legacy of hope and joy, playing a crucial role in turning despair into hope and transforming lives.
A Merit for the Souls of Your Departed Love Ones
Yahrzeit: The Jewish Death Anniversary
The Significance of Mishnayos 
Honoring a Deceased Loved One through Shiva and Shloshim
Mourners Kaddish:
Finding Comfort After Death
Commemorating Loved Ones Through Yizkor 
We can light a candle on your behalf at Rebbe Meir's Holy Tomb. 
