When you observe the Jewish death rituals for Shivah and Shloshim, your actions bring comfort to the departed. Find out how mourning customs for shivah and shloshim help you keep a connection with your departed loved one and benefit their soul in the Next World.
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By doing so, you gift them the merit of bringing blessing to this world by helping those in need.
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Kaddish and Lighting a Candle
Every Day of First Month
$1,000
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Learning Mishnayos, Kaddish and Lighting a Candle Every Year on Yahrtzeit
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Mourning and Memory in Judaism
When a loved one passes away, there are a lot of emotions involved. You might miss them deeply, feel pain and grief at their loss, and be grappling with a deep void that their passing has left behind. You may be wondering what your loved one is experiencing while you try to piece together life without them.
Immediately upon death, your loved one’s soul separates from its body and rises higher, away from the physical world. But it doesn’t ascend to Heaven to remain there just yet. The soul isn’t used to being completely on its own, without the body that it lived in for its lifetime. Therefore, for a while after its death, the departed soul keeps returning to the physical world. As it acclimates to life after death and to the closeness to Hashem (G-d) that it is beginning to experience, there are certain actions that its loved ones can take to bring the departed soul honor and pleasure.
Although the stages in the timeline of Jewish mourning are usually described as stages of grief for the mourner, these stages are also significant for the departed soul, as will be described below. At each stage, keeping in mind the experience of your departed loved one and what you can do to ease their transition to the Next World will allow you to feel more connected to them.
Mourning and honoring your loved one’s memory can go together. Fulfilling the Jewish commemoration practices can help fill the void left by your loved one’s passing, as you keep their memory alive with your actions. It’s a way of starting to feel whole once again.
Shiva Observances to Mourn On Behalf of the Deceased
The week of shiva is the time of most intense mourning in the timeline of Jewish mourning. To honor the deceased, mourners remain either in the location where the soul departed or in the home where the departed lived. There, they sit on low stools, tear their clothing, and practice other mourning rituals that are part of the shiva observances. Practicing these traditions is a symbolic way to express grief.
There are many deeper meanings to the Jewish death rituals practiced during shiva. But the question you may ask is, where is the departed soul in all of this? Are the laws of mourning simply comforting to the mourner, or are they meaningful to the deceased as well?
Shiva observances are, in fact, an expression of the grief that the soul feels as well. It’s not just a way of family members expressing their own pain. They are also sharing in the pain of the departed soul. The Talmud tells us that the soul does not immediately rise up to Heaven. For the week of shiva, the soul remains in the physical world. Not being used to its existence as a soul without a body, it looks to remain closer to what is most familiar to it – the body it lived in on this world. It’s further described how the soul mourns its own body, and feels the pain of its death. In Kabbalah (Jewish mystical teachings) it is described how the soul returns to the home it lived in during its lifetime and grieves there. The feelings of grief are felt most strongly by the soul for the seven days following its death.
When family members mourn their loved one, they are actually joining in their loved one’s own sorrow. For this reason, those who fulfill the mourning rituals of shiva and shloshim also fulfill the mitzvah of being “nosei b’ol.” The literal definition of this Hebrew phrase is to “share in another’s burden.” Any time you empathize with someone or share their pain, you fulfill this mitzvah. Mourning together with the departed soul of your loved one in the week of shiva is a true fulfillment of this concept.
Another aspect of the soul’s experience during this time is the Heavenly judgment that takes place after death. The soul is forced to confront the lifetime it lived on this earth. Even for those who achieved great things in their life and did good deeds, there is usually a sense of deep regret over what they failed to achieve. They can now see the extent of their own potential, which they may not have maximized. Knowing that their chance to change or fix their actions is over is also deeply painful. Family members are able to help the soul in this area by continuing to do good deeds in their loved one’s honor and providing their loved one with merits. Accruing additional merit through their loved one’s actions gives the departed solace.
Mourning Observances for Shiva and Shloshim
If you are mourning a loved one that is not your parent, then the mourning period consists of a total 30-day period, called shloshim. This designated 30-day mourning timeframe will apply for a parent as well, although mourning extends past the shloshim as well, for another 11 months.
The first seven days following death are the days of shiva, which have the most Jewish death rituals and Jewish commemoration practices of the entire mourning period. It’s best that all the Jewish commemoration practices that are followed take place in the shivah home, where the deceased lived during its life. After the shiva, many of the mourning observances continue throughout the shloshim on a smaller scale.
Here we’ll mention a few of the mourning customs for shiva and shloshim that specifically bring honor and pleasure to the soul of your departed loved one.
Lighting a Candle
A Jewish neshamah (soul) is compared to a candle, and since we are drawn to that which is similar to us, a departed soul will be drawn to the light of a candle. It gives the departed soul satisfaction to see the candle burning in its honor. The custom is to have a candle burning in the shiva home throughout the shiva period. During prayers in the shiva home, some have the custom of placing five lit candles in front of the one leading the prayers.
Saying Kaddish
It’s a great honor for the deceased soul when ten Jewish men gather in the shivah home to pray together, optimally for all three daily prayers. When there are ten Jewish men present, the mourners can recite the Mourner’s Kaddish in the departed’s honor. This is a great merit for the soul and gives it great spiritual satisfaction.
Giving Charity
The departed soul can no longer benefit people in this world except through actions done on its behalf. Therefore, every time charity is given in its honor, the soul rejoices, because it’s as if it was the soul itself that gave the charity.
Traditionally, charity boxes are set up in the shivah home so that visitors can donate in the memory of the departed. Additionally, giving tzedakah (charity) every day of the shloshim brings meaningful significance to this mourning period
Learning Torah
Part of Jewish shivah observances includes a halachah (Jewish law) that a mourner may not learn all the parts of Torah as usual. Since learning Torah brings joy, the mourner is required to refrain from it. This law is also an expression of nosei b’ol, sharing in your loved one’s pain, since the departed no longer has the joy of being able to learn Torah in this world.
However, after the week of shivah is complete, there is no greater honor for the soul than for their loved ones to learn additional Torah in their merit. The mourning observances for shivah and shloshim include a custom of learning mishnayos for mourners, completing the entire Mishnah before the end of the shloshim.
Learning Mishnayos is a greater merit and gives more pleasure to a departed soul than saying Kaddish! There was a great Torah scholar, called the Radvaz, who requested that his sons learn Torah (specifically, a page of Talmud) in his honor after his death. Even more, he wrote in his will that if they couldn’t learn in his honor on a specific day, they should not recite Kaddish on that day! He wrote that the recital of Kaddish without the Torah learning would not give his soul any satisfaction.
Therefore, it is a big part of the mourning customs for shivah and shloshim to divide up the Mishnayos and aim to complete the entire Mishnah for the date marking the completion of the shloshim.
Commemorate a Loved One with RMBH Memorial Services
- Sign up for Kaddish Prayer Services
- Get Mishnayos Learning for a Shloshim or Yahrzeit
- Schedule a visit to a grave in Israel on your behalf
- Request other memorial services (prayer, Tehillim recital, and more)
Request RMBH Memorial Services
Commemorate a Loved One with RMBH Memorial Services
- Sign up for Kaddish Prayer Services
- Get Mishnayos Learning for a Shloshim or Yahrzeit
- Schedule a visit to a grave in Israel on your behalf
- Request other memorial services (prayer, Tehillim recital, and more)
Request RMBH Memorial Services
RMBH’s Mourning Services for Shivah and Shloshim
If you cannot observe the Jewish commemoration practices for your loved one, you can still give your departed loved one the gift of these merits. By arranging for the Torah scholars at RMBH to light candles, recite Kaddish, and learn mishnayos for your loved one, you can give your loved one the ultimate honor and satisfaction.
Memorial options are available for both the shivah and shloshim benchmarks, allowing you to fulfill all the mourning customs for shivah and shloshim. When you choose RMBH’s mourning services, you get double merit. You get both the merit of charity that goes to support Torah scholars as well as the actual memorial service to honor your loved one.
Create that feeling of connection through providing your loved one with what they most desire at these pivotal moments. These merits will accompany your loved one on their final journey and bring comfort to both you and your loved one.
For over two centuries, RMBH Charities has been a beacon of hope, steadfastly supporting Israel’s needy.
Our reach extends from aiding sick patients in hospitals to assisting impoverished new mothers, struggling brides, and
children with special needs. Rebbe Meir Baal Haness Charities stands as a pillar of benevolence, tirelessly working to uplift
the most vulnerable in society. By choosing to support RMBH in memory of your loved one, you become part of a movement
that replaces despair with hope and sadness with joy.
A Merit for the Souls of Your Departed Love Ones
Yahrzeit: The Jewish Death Anniversary
The Significance of Mishnayos 
Mourners Kaddish:
Finding Comfort After Death
Commemorating Loved Ones Through Yizkor 
Jewish Mourning Practices in the Year of Mourning
We can light a candle on your behalf at Rebbe Meir's Holy Tomb. 
